Anyhow, today I have Tali Spencer visiting. She's here to talk abount her July 8th Dreamspinner release Thick as Thieves.
Let me tell you now, having been one of the beta's for this, it damn funny. :)
10 Nifty Uses for a Unicorn Horn
Thanks, Michelle, for having me stop by to talk
about my new release, Thick as Thieves.
The novel started out as a Wednesday Briefs weekly flash story… well, actually
it started with a prompt. The prompt was unicorn, mandolin, some kind of plant.
So in a sense the book started out with a unicorn, just not the whole unicorn.
I decided to run with the horn.
First of all, unicorn horns are phallic symbols.
Make no mistake, I have a thing for phalluses, symbolic and in the flesh. You
can bet I had a lot of fun with Vorgell, the sex crazed barbarian. I put him
through the wringer because, as chance would have it, he falls hard for a man
who is perfectly capable of resisting an erection.
So if you enjoy magic, snarky male witches, and a
barbarian who couldn’t resist a unicorn horn in the ass, you just might love Thick as Thieves. I include an excerpt
below, right after this list of ten really good uses for a unicorn horn should
you chance upon one:
~10. Towel Rack.
A unicorn horn’s swirly surface is decorative and because
it is magic it stays nice and warm to keep your towels toasty.
~9. Swizzle Stick.
A swizzle stick made from unicorn horn turns any
drink into an aphrodisiac. Or you can be truly devious and use unicorn horn
toothpicks in your cherries.
~8. Pointer.
A unicorn horn pointer is certain to grab the
interest of your audience. Unicorn horns even glow in the dark!
~7. Holiday costume.
Everyone loves a unicorn. Go to a party wearing a
unicorn horn and you not only have a hit costume, but an aphrodisiac on your
head. And you can use the horn as a weapon should the need arise.
~6. Lightning Rod.
Little known fact: Unicorn horns attract electricity.
If attached to a grounding kit, they make excellent lightning rods. Also a good
reason not to wear a unicorn horn to a party.
~5. Fountain of Youth.
Even small amounts of powdered unicorn horn can slow
aging. Vampires aren’t ageless. They just breed unicorns in secret.
~4. Desk Ornament.
Although frequently purloined by disrespectful
guests, unicorn horn desk ornaments make a statement. The only reason we don’t
see more of them: the other 9 reasons.
~3. Restore a Zombie to Life.
One of the lesser known qualities of unicorn horn is
that they restore life to the undead. If you bury a unicorn horn into the chest
of a zombie, the zombie becomes a living person again. This is not necessarily
a good thing.
~2. Dildo.
Unicorn horn begins to dissolve upon insertion into
any orifice, providing natural—and magical—lubrication. The more you use it,
the hornier you become. The downside: using a unicorn horn in this way might
leave you permanently horny.
~1. Murder Weapon.
Because unicorn horns dissolve inside warm, living
bodies (note that zombies, #3, are neither warm nor living), they make ideal
murder weapons. Not only does the weapon itself disappear soon after causing
fatal damage, but no one will really believe the weapon existed in the first
place.
All kidding aside, though…
Thick
as Thieves follows the adventure of Vorgell, a barbarian who
kills a unicorn in the woods and puts the horn to use #2. Now he’s way deep in
magic over his head—until he finds Madd. Madd’s in over his head too, but one
thing Madd is good at is taking advantage of a situation….
I am giving away a free copy of Thick as Thieves in eBook or autographed paperback—whichever you
choose—to one person who comments on this blog post before midnight on July 14th!
Blurb
After Vorgell the barbarian fucks himself with a
unicorn horn, he ends up in a cell with Maddog, a pretty young thief. It’s lust
at first sight for Vorgell—but honestly, he can’t help it. Unicorn horn is a
potent aphrodisiac, and now he can’t stop thinking about sex. Luckily, Madd is
one male witch who knows how to put Vorgell’s new magical body to good use when
he tricks Vorgell into a kiss that helps them escape.
Vorgell may desire sex in general—and Madd in
particular—but Madd has no intention of being screwed by a man twice his size.
He has problems of his own, including an enchanted collar that causes him to
desire his most hated enemy. He wants that collar off as soon as possible, but
that requires stealing a basilisk egg from the castle they just escaped.
Drawn together by lust and magic, the two men join
forces and soon find themselves up to their necks in witches, wizards, and
trouble. Vorgell and Madd might just be perfect for each other, but first they
have to survive long enough to find out.
Excerpt
Madd frowned, his dark gaze traveling down Vorgell’s
body and taking in his state of undress. “I guess we’ll have to find you some
clothes.”
Vorgell liked that idea. “You could just hand me
your cloak.”
“No!” Madd clutched the garment closed at the
throat. “We’ll… find you something else.” He sighed. “You don’t get it, do you?
We need to disappear. You consumed an entire unicorn horn, and—”
“And I’m horny all the time now. I know.” As if to confirm that point,
Vorgell’s cock twitched and plumped at the sight of his companion. Even wrapped
in shadows and with a water stain from the puddle on his ass, Madd was
bewitching. Vorgell’s blood warmed just to look at him. “But I don’t see what
that has to do with—”
“Are you really so gods-addled clueless? A mere
sliver of unicorn horn makes a man horny for days. You consumed the entire horn! You filled your gargantuan
body with so much fucking unicorn magic you’re now a walking, talking reservoir
of enchantment! And you’re not a magician, are you? You’re like a toad sitting
on gold coins! You can’t get rid of your pot of gold because you don’t know how
to use it!”
Vorgell blinked at the little guy’s rage, struggling
to see past the fact that Madd looked unbearably cute when he gestured and
paced and sputtered. So cute Vorgell wanted to push him against the moldy wall
and silence him with kisses while he pushed his cock against that delectable,
lithe body. He fought to keep focus as his cock stiffened to full engorgement.
“I can do magic?”
Madd rolled his eyes. “No. You fucking are magic. Like a unicorn. Your blood,
your bones, every living part of you, is filled with the shit.” He sighed. “Why
the hell do you think I bit you in the tower, except to get at the magic? Or
sucked your cock just now? Which, by the way,” he added, “I don’t plan on doing
regularly.”
“But you’re good at it. And, well, I thought—” But
then he realized he hadn’t been thinking for some days. It was time to start
doing it. “So you are using me?”
Madd looked him in the eye. “Yes. And you’re
fortunate in that. Because although I’m not a particularly good magician, I’m
much more ethical than the baron or his like. Or any of the Wizards’ Guild.
That lot would be bleeding you by now and amputating toes to suck on for a
little extra spell power.”
Vorgell considered this. He distrusted magic users.
He also knew a thing or two about unscrupulous men and could be one himself
when the situation demanded. He hadn’t carried Madd away from their prison out
of gratitude, but for purposes of ravishment. The latter still sounded like a
good idea.
Author bio:
Tali Spencer fell in love with writing at an early
age and never stopped. Thanks to a restless father, she grew up as a bit of a
nomad and still loves to travel whenever she can. Her longest stint in one
place was Milwaukee where she went to college and enjoyed a series of
interesting careers including respiratory therapist, airport executive, and
raising three surprisingly well-adjusted sons. She later married her true love
and put down new roots in Philadelphia, where she lives in an ongoing Italian
American family sitcom. At least she’s learned how make good pasta. When not
writing, Tali reads everything from sweet goofy romances to Lebanese cookbooks,
manages her fantasy football team—go Gekkos!—and takes long walks with her
loving, if slightly neurotic, poodle.
Visit Tali’s blog at http://talismania-brilliantdisguise.blogspot.com
E-mail: tali.spencer1@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tali.spencer
Twitter: @tali_spencer
E-mail: tali.spencer1@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tali.spencer
Twitter: @tali_spencer
